Whenever you meet someone new as an adult there are always the same questions that come up as you attempt to get to know some surface details about them. Are you married? What do you do for work? Where do you live? Where are you originally from? And my personal favorite, any kids? My go to answer is always, “Not yet but hopefully someday!” with as sunny of a disposition I can manage like it’s […]
Broken Bodies, Broken Dreams
Infertility is such a weird experience. You feel completely and utterly alone most of the time in your circumstances but if you make an effort to find others who share your journey you’ll be amazed to find that there is one big tribe out there to walk along side with. We have fears, shame, anger, and struggle with feelings of jealousy and then with guilt. We feel broken, left out, anxious and alienated by a […]
Go Fund Three
Hello friends! It’s been awhile! I had to take a peak back at my previous blog to see where I left you and it was aaaaall the way back in October in the land of colorful leaves and pumpkin spice everything. I was also skipping out on OB/GYN and taking a new position in internal medicine. Now it’s spring and flowers are blooming and it’s warm (ish) out and something big, bright and yellow […]
Goodbye OB GYN
When I first made the move from family medicine to obstetrics and gynecology some people who knew I’d been struggling to conceive for a while asked why!? What kind of crazy girl who can’t get pregnant wants to work with pregnant patients? Uh, this girl. And I truly did! And it was fine…until it wasn’t. I was so excited to get the job offer for an OB GYN clinic. It was the department that I […]
The Final One
This is it people. We did our sixth and final IUI today. Matt and I were feeling a little anxious about this being the last one, the pressure is on. This is the last of the affordable treatments. If this one doesn’t work we enter the realm of having to take out a loan to have a baby. How crazy is that? We enter the realm of IVF, our last chance attempt to conceive […]
Seek Me First
Last weekend my mom and I took a day trip to visit my stepdad’s mom on their farm to learn how to can apple sauce and make the world’s best pie crust. It was a great day and that pie crust is no joke. My mom and I had a good conversation on the drive up where she wanted to share with me about words that kept coming to her over and over: “Seek me […]
One Stitch At A Time
I need to write but I’m not sure what to write about. This blog has turned into a kind of therapy for me, an online diary of sorts. However, unlike a paper diary where you are open and free to write whatever you please, I feel obligated to only write when I’m feeling hopeful, when my emotional roller coaster is on the rise and in the clouds. I’m here to tell you that while I […]
This Isn’t Animal Cruelty
This. This is how I feel like everybody sees us. This sad, puppy-eyed pug in a dimly-lit room, staring into nothingness with hopeless contemplation, encapsulates what people seem to think we do with all of our spare time. Some people tell us they’re praying. “We’re praying for you!”, they say, with that hint of “I’m so sorry guys, I feel so bad for you” tone they try to hide. Some add the exclamation point at […]
Fall Apart, Start Again
“Struggling with infertility is like dealing with the five stages of grief every single month. You deny, bargain, get angry, cry and then accept. Then you pick yourself back up and do it all over again.” I read that quote and simply thought, yes. That is it. Infertility is the five stages of grief over and over and over again except with little bubbles of hope thrown in there every once in awhile. How do […]
Back To Square One
Can we talk for a minute about what a load of crap it is that PMS symptoms mimic a lot of early pregnancy symptoms? Or what an even bigger load of you-know-what that normal every day symptoms are supposedly early pregnancy symptoms? Can a girl catch a break? The two week wait is annoying enough without trying to figure out if you “feel pregnant”. According to parenting.com, here’s 16 early signs of pregnancy: Shortness of […]